Lonely Girls
by King Cheetah
Summary: Lila just wants to disappear, Helga's afraid she might, and Arnold's moving away. Misery really does love company. Please read and review
1. Chapter one

Lonely Girls by King Cheetah

These Hey Arnold! characters aren't mine, but if they were, this is the sort of stuff I'd do with them.  
Rated PG-13 cause I felt like it, and some characters might just end up nude later. We'll see...  
Enjoy.

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Gritting her teeth, Helga G. Pataki cursed her reflection through tear swollen eyes. "Stop crying, dammit! Patakis don't cry over trivial crap like this! It's... j-just not a big deal... it's n-not..." she sobbed softly to no one in particular. She'd left pre-algebra on the pretext of going to the nurses office for her allergy shot, but the girl's bathroom down by the gymnasium was a much better place to fall to pieces in solitude. Gasping, she couldn't stop the tears from flowing and each one seems to have brought a friend.

First Phoebe, now Arnold. She would truly be alone for the rest of her time in high school, and the prospect terrified her. The word had reached her just before class. Arnold was moving to Texas; some manner of special education program for his math genius. Why now? While they were by no means close, they'd reached a comfortable truce and enjoyed a friendship which was reaching a point at which she was almost ready to confess her feelings to him after all these years.

Her head cleared just enough that it occurred to her that she might want to retreat into one of the stalls, lest the fates drop Rhonda or any one of the other bitches that bedevil her on a daily basis into the room with her. How could this possibly get any worse? As if on cue, Lila Sawyer sauntered into the room and caught Helga in mid blubber, who red faced, bolted into the nearest stall.

Oh god, no. Not her. Not little Miss Perfect. It was bad enough that Arnold did everything short of masturbating in public over her, but now she'd seen Helga at her absolute weakest. Trying her best stifle her choked sobs, she heard a gentle tapping at the stall door and Lila softly say, "Helga, can I come in?" Swallowing hard, she said, "The toilets only seat one, stupid. Wait your turn."

An exasperated grunt, and some foot shuffling, and Lila said, "Fine, I can wait until you're done..." and proceeded to tap her toe dramatically. Sighing, Helga realized that there was no bluffing her way through this, and slowly opened the door to admit the redheaded interloper. Sitting on the toilet, she looked up into the tranquil blue eyes before her, "Well, what're you looking at?"

Lila seemed less to be choosing words than discarding them, but finally said, "When we moved to Hillwood from Pleasantville all those years ago, I lost a lot of friends. And y'know, there were promises of keeping in touch with me, and they did for a while, but..." she paused to take a deep breath, "But people after awhile just have to deal with the life going on around them first, and trying to keep a phantom friendship going long distance is tough... both ways..." Helga just looked at Lila a second, and continued to try and collect herself. Lila went on, "I know you put on a brave face when Phoebe moved away, but... I could tell how much it hurt you..."

Helga was on her feet in an instant, "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!" she raged. Red faced, fists clenched she waited for Lila to misstep and give her a reason for violence. But the still, sad eyes of the redhead drained all the bravado from Helga in an instant. Here was indeed someone who understood exactly what she was feeling.

"Her name was Cleo, and she was closer to me than a sister ever could be. We did everything together, went everywhere together, and she knew me well enough to guess my needs and desires... like Phoebe used to do for you. I'd always see you two at recess or before school... laughing and hanging out and I'd see me and Cleo all over again. Knowing how I felt about her..., so I knew how you must have felt after Phoebe moved to Japan." Helga closed her eyes and thought of Phoebe's last words to her; don't let your life stop here. "You know Helga, I never did allow myself to grow close to someone again... I have friends now, plenty of them, I guess... just not a Phoebe."

Helga stared at Lila for several minutes as she considered what she'd heard. Bowing her head, she said, "I guess you're pretty broken up over Arnold leaving too, huh?" Lila knelt beside her and whispered, "Helga, you know he never meant anything to me. Look at me. Helga, LOOK AT ME. I've known about your feelings for him since we were in the fourth grade; have you ever, EVER seen me do ANYTHING to encourage his attentions?"

Helga just looked downward as Lila continued, "I knew who his true love was, and I certainly wasn't going to be the one to spoil that!" She reached over gently to brush Helga's hair from in front of her face, and was struck by just how clear her eyes were. Time had actually been kind to Helga, as she was graced with clear, fair skin and face of soft beauty, little needing cosmetics. Looking back into Lila's eyes, Helga thought of her history with this girl...

She had to admit, that despite all of her rage towards Lila over the years, it had never actually been over anything she'd actually done, only Arnold's fawnish behavior towards her. But good as her word, Lila had always kept him at arms length and constantly had to remind him of his place. She had indeed kept her promise to Helga to guard the secret of her feelings for Arnold and then some. They sat and talked quietly for the rest of the period, slowly sharing bits and pieces of each others lives, cautiously at first, but freely after a while. The time for tears had passed, and a few smiles managed to cross Helga's face as they talked.

Helga had never bothered to notice it before, but Lila really didn't seem to have any friends. She was well liked and well known amongst the students in their grade, but Lila always seemed to be eating lunch alone. In group outings, she was there, but as the group broke up, she was alone again. Startled by the end period bell, they both panicked and in the mad scramble for the door, vowed to meet after school to talk more. As Helga shuffled off to French class, she thought of Phoebe, and wondered what her life was like now.

The day finally complete, Lila trudged out to meet Helga at the bus stop. While still carrying the grade school reputation of 'Little Miss Perfect', she was for all intents and purposes a completely different person. She no longer seemed to so easily know the answers to questions, and while polite and demure, she encountered more and more people who weren't impressed by her. Every day now was a new struggle to keep up the facade of effortless perfection, and in truth, it was wearing her down.

All told, she cringed when she thought about her grade school self, and desperately wished she could just erase those years. What an annoying little Pollyanna she'd been. But with puberty came the stresses and self doubt that never seems to touch a fourth grader... well, Sid maybe, but he was the exception.

Slowly, she began to change her look and attitude. Less preppie, less finished as it were, and more... slack. She lacked the flair for fashion enjoyed by the likes of Rhonda or Katrinka, and as such was awkward in her clothing choices. She didn't want to dazzle or thrill with her clothes, she wanted to disappear. If she could just fade from view, just blend in, the pressure on her would be released. But reputations, earned or not, die hard and even with no evidence to back it up, she remained Little Miss Perfect to all eyes around her.

On the ride home, they sat in the very back of the bus and Lila let Helga do all the talking. Slowly at first, in fits and starts, she listened intently to all things Pataki in loud whispers from the animated girl before her. They both quickly became lost in the tale, to the point that they missed their respective stops and continued to ride and talk, the drone of the engine a greek chorus to Helga's tale. First they missed her stop, then Helga's, but neither cared much and rode the bus all the way downtown to the turn around... then outbound... then back downtown again.

"I had no idea that Olga was like that... whatta bitch." frowned Lila. Helga almost burst out laughing, but said, "I noticed that you only put up with that Big Sister crap for a few months before fleeing in terror!" Lila grinned, "Well, it wasn't quite as bad as all that, but I... I was getting the feeling that I was less a person to her and more like... um, an accessory. Y'know, something like a charm on a bracelet that she could show off to people."

Rolling her eyes, Helga said, "Yeah, welcome to MY world. Olga has no capacity to think outside her own head. She's almost a clinical sociopath, didya know that? She doesn't actually listen to anything you say, she just waits for you to stop talking."

They reached to outer limit of the buses route and were preparing to ride it back towards downtown yet again, when Helga's cell phone chrilled to life. Finishing up what passed for a conversation with her mother Miriam, Helga announced that she had to get off for real this time when they reached her stop. Looking a bit sullen, Lila said, "Tomorrow morning?"

Agreed.

Unspoken, they both boarded the bus an hour early, so as to repeat the long ride at least once before school. Lila's turn this morning and she filled Helga in on her own unpleasant home life and in particular, her stepmother. While not abused, she was ignore, which in some ways was a lot worse. Her father's new wife being nice enough, but never made even the slightest effort to get to know Lila or make any attempt at being a mother to her.

"It like she's just marking time til I graduate, or run away or whatever. We never really talk or anything like that. And my father just acts like I'm the one copping an attitude!" she said, and Helga was impressed with just how worked up Lila was getting.

Dinner conversation would follow a polite but disinterested round of Q & A, with no real enthusiasm on the part of either party. Holidays and especially Christmas were painful beyond all human reason. No gifts, but gift certificates or worse yet cash. Lila was expected to buy and wrap her own gifts and feign surprise Christmas morning for the benefit of the camcorder's glaring gaze. Her birthday had to be CLEARLY marked on every calendar in the house lest it pass unnoticed, the payoff being more cash and a sterile store bought cake sporting the wrong number of candles.

Helga was aghast at this. Sure, Big Bob and Miriam were no prizes, but even in their own inept way they tried to do parenting things with her. All things considered, they'd actually improved at bit over the years and Big Bob had even stopped calling her 'Olga'.

At school, they realized that they actually shared two classes together and with a few well placed bribes, managed to swap seats with other students so as to sit together. Not that this proximity afforded them anything tangible, but the idea of having a kindred spirit close was it's own reward.

A few notes were cautiously passed, but this was more for the risky thrill of it more than any sort of information exchange. Knowing looks, smiles, mugging, gestures, the class periods passed quickly and pleasantly. Lunch would grant them both more time for talk and confession. Both agreed that in the future, they'd brown bag it, thus not wasting any valued talk time in a lunch line.

"There's one!" said Lila, gesturing with her lunch tray to an empty table by the fire door.

"Great, we'll be trampled in the mad rush during a fire and probably won't even get to desert." smiled Helga.

Second lunch period never seemed to be as crowded as first (or so the saying goes) and there was less of a problem finding an open table as finding one that afforded a bit of privacy. They set up camp and got back to telling tales. Helga looked at Lila slyly, "Have you done any dating? I mean, real dating, not just a group thing."

"Hmmm... no, not really. I think a lot of the guys are... intimidated by me. The pressure of taking care of Miss Perfect and all that crap. Not that it bugs me or anything..."

"Oh come on! You can't tell me that you don't want to go out!" smirked Helga.

"Well DUH! But what am I suppose to do? I guess if the situation arises, I'd date, sure. But that's just not an issue right now..." she said with a slight edge in her voice. Helga thought for a moment about this. It's not like SHE was exactly a dating dynamo, but that was mostly because the one guy she WANTED to be asked out by was... out of reach. Lila could probably have any number of guys... if she wanted to... Lila looked thoughtful, "Not that my rep did me much good. You wouldn't believe the guys that DID try to ask me out..." Helga raised an eyebrow as Lila let the sentence trail off into silence.

Lila took up the conversational baton, "So... what is it exactly that you like about Arnold? I mean, why him and not say... Sid? Or Pea pod Kid?"

Helga gulped down the first of her three chocolate milks before answering, though she first turned the question around; why DIDN'T Lila like him? Predictably, this led them down the debate path of "why the hell does anybody like anything", but eventually Helga relented and finally told all about she and Arnold, from first meeting to the present.

"Since KINDERGARTEN! Oh god, that is SO sweet, and I mean that. That is storybook cool. But... why were you always picking on him?"

"He... he just made me crazy! Every time I was within ten feet of him, I'd just start to lose it. I WANTED to be nice, but... but I'd panic and just insult him or something like that. Then I'd feel like crap, but what could I do?" Helga sighed.

"You really should tell him how you feel, y'know." said Lila with a clinical air.

"Oh, no way! Not now. Not when he's about to leave! I... I just couldn't!"

Lila cocked her head to one side for a moment, then grinned, "But if you had told him, y'know, he knew how you felt... what do you think you two would do together? I mean, what would your days be like?"

Helga seemed caught off guard by the question, "Um, well... I think we'd skip riding the bus, 'cept on crappy days, y'know? We'd walk to school together and just talk about each other's day. He'd probably talk about the basketball team, and I'd tell him about my writing and stuff, cause y'know I'd really be filling up the notebooks with an inspiration like him always around. And, um... I suppose we'd still hang out with everybody and what not. Go to some parties and stuff, do homework together or go driving out in the countryside... I guess things like that."

"And you really think he'd be THAT great as a boyfriend?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Ugh! Lila, I know YOU never really had a thing for him, but trust me, I KNOW Arnold, and you'd be hard pressed to find a sweeter guy in this whole freakin' school! I mean even now he treats me nice, and I'm just this girl he knows. I mean, I don't pick on him anymore and I try to stay clear of him, but he always does nice little things for me. If he knew how I REALLY felt for him, I bet he'd be the perfect boyfriend, y'know?"

"Huh... so then... what would you do if he asked you to put out?" said Lila with a wicked little smile.

"WHAT! LILA!" squeaked Helga as she tried to balance grinning and blushing at the same time.

"You heard me, blondie. You two are a tight couple, but he's gotta have you; what do you do, hmmmm?"

"Oh god... I... I don't think he'd ever do that. Arnold's WAY too sweet to try anything like that... I know him too well." she said with no small amount of pride, but all the same liked entertaining the thought.

"Fine... but let's just say he did ask... what would you say? C'mon now, it's Arnold we're talking about. Sweet Arnold... sexy Arnold... Arnold's warm, soft hands running up your back... what would you tell him?" she grinned slyly.

Helga was almost lost in the fantasy of the scenario, but grinning she sighed, "Oh... it would be tough, I mean REALLY tough... but I'd have to tell him no. I mean, I love him more than anything, but that's just too big a step to take til' we've known each other a really long time. wheeew!"

"But, you'd still love him, eh?" asked Lila with the oddest look on her face.

"Yes, yes I would. But it's all academic 'cause I know he'd never put me on the spot like that." beamed Helga.

Lila sat silently, sporting a look that Helga couldn't quite place. As if cross examining a hostile witness, she once again asked Helga about her feelings for Arnold, as if checking details for inconsistances. More into it this time, Arnold's onetime tormentor gleefully recounts all his fine points and just how sweet their romance would be. Through it all, the redhead sat placidly, sporting a grinchy grin as Helga's description becomes more detailed and florid in the telling.

"H-Helga..?" a voice said from behind her... a familiar voice... spinning about in her chair she looked straight into the startled green eyes of the topic of conversation... Arnold.

He had been seated at the table just behind her, and from the looks of it, had been for quite a while. Helga froze with terror, then spun back around to look at Lila, who's face was a complete blank save for one raised eyebrow. She turned back around to face Arnold as he spoke, "Is.. is all that true? What you said about me and... us?"

Helga stammered a moment before yelping as Lila kicked her under the table. "Um... y-y-yes." she sputtered. He was all smiles now.

Standing, Lila smiled, "Arnold why don't you join us? I'm going to trot over and get a strawberry milk. I shouldn't be more than a moment." And she was off despite Helga's look of panicked doom.

Milk in hand, Lila watched from across the cafeteria as Arnold and Helga had the talk that was only three years late. Hesitant at first, Helga finally began to loosen up and by the end of the lunch period, Arnold's hand was across the table on top of hers.

Smiling to herself, Lila thought, "Helga, I promised you that I'd keep your secret, I never promised you I'd stand idly by as you made a critical mistake." There might just be a little hell to pay for this, but she regretted nothing...

After school, she caught sight of the two of them walking hand in hand across the courtyard, not towards the bus queue, but rather in the direction of their respective homes. Spying her, Helga excused herself from Arnold and trotted over to her.

Grinning, she said, "I bet you think you're pretty clever don't you? Quite the little matchmaker, aren't you? How'd you set that up?"

Lila just smiled, "As I recall it, you were doing all the talking. As much as I'd love to take all the credit as the crafty schemer, I just happened to see him sit down behind us. Everything good?"

Helga closed her eyes and nodded, "He's only going to be gone a little over a year, but them he's coming back. We're gonna spend as much time together as we can til he takes off, and I think I can do the long distance thing for just a year. That's not so bad."

"Reconsidering that whole 'Puttin' Out' thing?" asked Lila in mock innocence, which earned her a laugh and playful punch from Helga.

"I... um, thanks a lot Lila. I really mean that. You really are perfect... in all the right ways."

"Nah, I just sat there and listened, you did all the work." and gave a little grin.

"So, uh... wanna join us? We're headed home, them out for calzones." Helga looked hopeful.

"Ooooh, sorry. I'm gonna be SUPER busy the next few weeks or so, so I'll have to take a rain check. Tell ya what, why don't you two have fun, then you'n I'll hook up after he takes off. Sound good?" said Lila with a musical lilt.

Nodding, she turned and scurried back to Arnold. Treating herself to one last look at them, Lila headed off for the bus stop.

"This one's for you, Cleo." she sighed and shifted the weight of her book bag as she walked.

To Be Continued oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooÊÊ 


	2. Chapter two

Lonely Girls by King Cheetah

These characters are from the sweat-beetled brow of Craig Bartlett... lucky stiff.  
Rated PG-13 cause I felt like it, and some characters might end up nude later. We'll see...  
Enjoy.

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There is a fine and subtle art to passing notes in class, every playah' knew that!

Now, you could train a lemur to fold a note and attempt to hand it off during a thoughtless moment on the teachers part, but where's the sport in that? It is the illicit thrill of the act itself that was the game, not the trivia the note contained.

And to those risky booters that took this dare, there was no summit so challenging as the fearsome Ms. Umberworthy in World History. This wily octogenerian was quite the hellion in her pre-academia days and as such knew ALL the tricks of the trade by heart... or so she liked to believe. To pass a note in her class was considered the crowning feather in many a sophomore's cap. And it was to this end that Lila and Helga set about to devise as many new ways to transmit data during the period as humanly possible.

At ten minutes into the period, Helga absentmindedly knocked a pencil off her desk as she bent over to fish her notebook out of her desk. Bending over Lila retrieved the errant scriptic and handed it back to Helga as she sat upright. At least, that's what transpired to the untrained eye...

The idea had hit them while enjoying (in a fairly loose interpretation of that word) Chinese food at Wung Fung Ho's, and Helga was idly rolling the fortune from her cookie between her fingers when suddenly she shared something with Newton, Einstein, and Moe Howard; a flash of genius!

Taking a box of Emberton's Yellow No.2 pencils, Helga gingerly removed the erasers and inserted a small drill bit about a quarter inch into the barrels. With the eraser back in place, this space was perfect to contain a message the size if a rolled note... about the size of a fortune cookie message. The dropped pencil contained a note, and a second pencil was actually what was returned to Helga's desk. This allowed two conversations to be carried on at once...

After a full period of drops, swaps and palmings, the following conversations were had:

LILA: Have you kissed Arnold yet?  
HELGA: Want to hit a movie on Friday?

LILA: Sure. What?  
HELGA: Yes! Tongues!

LILA: NO WAY! WHEN?  
HELGA: 'Yo Arness the Movie's playing. Or maybe 'Cloudburst'

LILA: 'Cloudburst sounds good. Early? Late?  
HELGA: IN HIS ROOM! SCORE!

LILA: WOO! Still not putting out? -  
HELGA: Early's good, let's get you a date.

As they shuffled out into the hallway at periods end, each seemed more interested in the other's conversation. "Arnold's got five more school days till he takes off, nine real days. If we're going out on Friday, we'll need to find you a date so we can double. Anybody on your gotta have list?" asked Helga hopefully.

But Lila was having none of that,"Forget that crap, when'd you get the tongue sandwich? Arnold taste as good as he looks?" grinned the redhead.

"Ugh! Lila, a lady of quality doesn't kiss and tell..." Said Helga, putting on airs.

"Yeah, so spill it!"

Eyes atwinkle, Helga said, "Okay, so we were up in his room just talking and stuff, and I didn't think anything was gonna happen because, like, we're just making plans for keeping in touch when he's gone, y'know? So then, he like, is right up to me and he, like, puts his hands on my shoulders, y'know... and he pulls me to him and, like kisses me REAL slow like and then he..."

Helga's tawdry tattling was cut short as the pair was stopped short by another pair, namely, ten pounds of silicone riding the rib cage of one Rhonda Wellington- Lloyd.

"LILA...!" chirped Rhonda with a smile as bright as Vegas, then "...Pataki." looking at Helga like a bucket eels.

As the pair acknowledged Rhonda's greetings, she launched into her pitch, "Lila dear, I'm putting on the sweetest little get together this weekend, and I'm just firming up the guest list. I have to be careful not to let in too much of the rabble, y'know, just a few carefully chosen misfits for appearances sake. So I..."

Not missing a beat, Lila beamed, "Oh Rhonda, that is so terribly, terribly sweet of YOU! And rest assured that Helga and I will be there with bells on!"

"Er, um... Well I..." stammered Rhonda.

"Y'know, I just knew all that restroom chatter about you being a frigid bitch was just jealous talk amongst wannabes, isn't that what I said Helga?"

"Absolutely, and when they said that Rhonda earned all her money on her knees, I thought you were gonna punch that one girl. Whatta little tramp!" Said Helga with as straight a face as humanly possible.

"WHAT!" shrieked Rhonda

"OOOOOH, That just burned me up, I don't mind telling you. The nerve of those bitches! It's pretty obvious they were part of Katrinka's pack. She's SO jealous of you!" frowned Lila.

"Um, Well...I ... thank you for sticking up for me... "

"You betcha! So don't you worry your pretty little head about a thing. Lila and I'll show up to your party as a show of solidarity. We'll teach her!" beamed Helga, and with that, she and Lila turned heel and trotted off to class, leaving a fuming Rhonda in their wake.

"Well, that was mean... FUN, but mean. I don't think I've ever seen her so red in the face..." grinned Helga.

"Oh really? Wait'll we don't show up for her dance. THEN you'll see some red..." smiled Lila.

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With more than a little bit of theatrics, Helga let her head thump down onto the lunch table. "GAH! Lila, would you PLEASE give me something to work with, here! There has GOT to be SOME boy in this school you wouldn't mind spending an evening out with?" but the redhead was noneplussed.

Sighing, she said, "Look Helga, this whole evening is an excuse for you and Arnold to get some face time, but I'm not feeling especially romantic at the moment. If I'm to be saddled with my weight in Y Chromosomes, I want to make sure that at least I having a good time."

"Fine. Super. Not a problem... just give me a list of suspects. How bout Stinky Peterson? He's nice and easily bullied. You won't have a bit of trouble out of him. Trust me, I know."

"Nix. He'd remind me too much of Pleasantville." she said as she took an extra long drag off her strawberry milk.

"Okay, how about Pea Pod Kid? Well off, gentlemanly, not a bad choice if you changed your mind about sucking face, eh? Eh?" she asked hopefully.

"Nah, I hear he has it bad for Nadine. No need to get in the middle of that..."

"Eugene? He's... um... well, let's just say you won't have to worry about him getting forward with you."

"Spending the evening cooling my heels in a hospital emergancy room while you and Arnold tonsil box isn't my idea of a good night. Sorry."

"GRRRRR! Well then who... hey, wait a minute..." Standing with her hands down on the table, Helga bellowed across the cafeteria, "CUUUUURRRR-LEEEE!"

Eight tables away, Thaddeus Gamalthorpe looked up from his Power Puff Girls lunch box, as stern faced Helga wiggled a finger "C'Mere" at him.

"...so that's the deal. A nice evening out, dinner and a movie with friends. Whattaya say Curly?" smiled Helga over folded hands.

"Interesting... and what exactly is the payoff for ME in all of this? I mean, it's not out of line to expect some recompense for my time. You understand, strictly business..." he mused.

"Payoff! Your payoff, you little dung beetle is for one brief moment in your sad little life knowing the touch of a woman..."raged Helga.

"HELGA..." snapped Lila, "let ME handle this. Okay Curly, you obviously want something; name your price. A Monitor Lizard? Box of M-80's? Nude photos of Rhonda?"

"I like you, Lila. You're an astute business woman. What I want is simply the promise of a favor. At some point in the future, I reserve the right to ask for a boon. Nothing that would test your morals, mind you. But a big favor none the less. Agreed?"

"Lila, run, don't walk away from this little freak. This deal stinks of doom.." urged Helga, but Lila shushed her with a raised hand.

She considered Curly carefully for several minutes before softly saying, "Alright Curly, you got it. BUT, your are to be on your best behavior this Friday. The slightest bit of dementia and the deal's off. Got it?"

"You may depend on me, lady fair. Servo Est; I serve thee!" grinned Curly, and with a flourish disappeared from the table.

Lila seemed rather pleased with herself as Helga said, "When he has you hogtied and honey glazed, don't forget that I was against this..."

To Be Continued ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 


	3. Chapter three

Lonely Girls by King Cheetah  
  
These Hey Arnold! characters aren't mine, but if they were,   
this is the sort of stuff I'd do with them.  
Rated PG-13 cause I felt like it, and some characters   
might just end up nude later. We'll see... ^_^  
Enjoy.  
  
This is a new story which is in no way connected to   
my NIGHT DRIVE or TRIP WIRE HEARTS story arcs.  
Thanks for reading!  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
All things considered, Lila Sawyer had much to be proud of in her life. In her younger days, she was active in church and social activities, as well as the 4H Club and Campfire Lasses. In the city, she continued charity work and was lured into theater arts, though modestly she'd be the first to admit, this was more of a diversion than vocation; anything to get her away from her stepmother. But the single incident in her life that gave her the most pride, was the loving young couple enjoying each other across the cafeteria from her. Tucked back into the stairwell, Arnold and Helga huddled together, having convinced themselves that they were safe from scrutiny. Holding hands and saying it all with stolen kisses and knowing looks, they themselves were Lila proudest achievement. Getting them together had been a complete fluke, but seizing the moment, she guided them together and let the truth of their feelings for each other finish the job. Seeing them together went along ways to dulling her own feelings of loneliness. She watched intently as Helga received each kiss, feeling a quiet thrill each time, that even she couldn't quite explain.  
  
Arnold had a week left until he took off for Texas, and devoted whatever free time he could to Helga, and even put off a few important tasks to steal an extra moment or two. They were so good together, and each complimented the other to an astonishing degree. And while she had every reason to do so, Helga refused to marginalize her new friend Lila. She'd beg and pleaded with her to join them in their after school activities, but Lila would always gently deflect these well intentioned offers with humor and good grace. Helga deserved this last days alone with Arnold and she'd just be the fifth wheel, she would say, though in truth, her reasons were somewhat darker.   
  
While Helga loved and trusted Arnold beyond all reason, Lila didn't and always felt a vague sense of dread when she was around them. Six years of rebuffing Arnold's unwelcome affections had taken their toll, and she'd always had an uncomfortable feeling that in his final days in town Arnold would say (or do) something stupid just before he left, like... oh, let's say declaring his love for HER, and breaking poor Helga's heart. Now, admittedly, this was unlikely, but she couldn't shake the feeling and as such gave Arnold as few opportunities as possible to make the sort of mistake that could hurt all three of them. The double date on Friday was the only exception to this rule, and it's approach was like the thundering steps of the juggernaught. Hopefully, a whirlwind schedule and the presence of Curly would keep Arnold focused on the true home of his heart. Seeing them together, made her just a bit more confident that this would all work out. That, and the odd combination of shame and thrill she felt watching Helga kiss... was she secretly a voyeur?  
  
Her unwelcomed scrutiny was halted as Curly's Power Puff Girls lunch box clattered noisily on the table before her. "Greetings partner! You're looking delightful this morning!" grinned Curly, seeming to show more teeth than most humans possess. Caught off guard, Lila smiled awkwardly and turned her attentions to her inpromtue lunch mate. "Oh, uh... hello Curly. You're looking well. Decided on your favor yet?"  
  
"Oh, well to be honest with you, I hadn't given it a lot of thought. I just thought it would be advantages to have one in holding, if you get my drift. And please, call me Thaddeus." and again the grin.  
  
"Thaddeus is sort of a mouth full. How about Tadd? Or better yet, Taddpole!" she giggled.  
  
"Taddpole, hmmmm? Not bad, I like that. From tadpole to frog, from frog to prince." he mused.  
  
Lila raised an eyebrow, smiling,"Ah, so now you're a prince, are you? So, what are the plans for Friday, your majesty?"  
  
"Don't ask me, I'm just a hired gun. This is you and Helga's deal. Supper and cinema was my understanding." as he took a mighty chomp out of a sandwich of seasoned duck meat.  
  
"Actually, it's Helga's show, I'm just along for the ride too; well, I guess we both are. She only has a few more days left before he takes off, and I'd rather she just spent that time alone with him. But, she's afraid of leaving me out of things, which is really sweet, but I've tried to explain to her repeatedly that I enjoy being alone. I like my solitude."  
  
"Solitude is a sweet little lie enjoyed by the lonely to make their time more bareble' said Curly dispassionately between duck chomps.  
  
Lila was stunned by his words. He had just laid them out on the table without preamble or intent. It was merely an unguided observation of fact. He offered no more words as she considered him, all his energies devoted to his sandwich. Lila rolled the words about in her head for a time, then presented the results of her analysis; the voice of experience.   
  
"So Cur... uh, Tadd... what do you do in your spare time? Any hobbies?"  
  
"Well..." he swallowed the last of the duck, "I read and have taken to riding on my bike. I got a new racing ten-speed for my birthday, so I'm out whenever the weather permits." and smiled a crooked little smile.  
  
She couldn't help but notice that no reference to friends or any human contact entered into his answer. Perhaps fate had saddle the pair with yet another kindred spirit.  
  
That afternoon, Lila and Helga enjoyed another one of their marathon chat sessions courtesy of the Municipal Bus Service. Arnold had other business to attend to, freeing up Ms. Pataki to talk to Lila ABOUT Arnold. But the redhead was only half listening, instead consumed by her chat at lunch with Curly. Catching a break in Helga's filibuster, she asked,"Helga... did you ever have any close friends other than Phoebe? Y'know like, girls you would seriously hang around with?" Helga seemed to be truly caught off guard by the question.  
"Well.... not really, I guess. I mean, we were all sort of a tribe back in grade school, y'know? We sorta saw some difference between the girls and the boys, but it wasn't like a hard and fast rule. Hell, back then it was no big deal to just goof off with the guys. Now it makes the school paper if one sits with you at lunch." she said, scratching the back of her neck.  
  
"I was kind of thinking that myself. Before puberty, it was just so easy to get along. I mean, yeah, we played at romance and relationships, but it seemed to be just that, play. The girls feigned womanhood and the boys fancied themselves young men. But we could still do anything together and it was just not a big deal..." said Lila with an air of remorse.  
  
"Well, yeah... I guess. It all pretty much changed in Junior High. I couldn't get any of the guys to play baseball or anything like that. It just felt... weird all of a sudden.... y'know? Gerald in perticular REALLY seemed to have a problem with any of the girls joining in on the sports events. Kinda good that Phoebe hated him so much... gave us an excuse not to hang around with the guys..."   
  
"We were suppose to start doing young lady things, preferably with other young ladies." sneered Lila.  
  
"Eh, well me and Phoebe weren't really any good at that. Neither of us got into dressing up much, I mean, what was the point? I only wanted one guy, but I was terrified of him. And you couldn't get Phoebe and Gerald within ten feet of each other without bloodshed. She was really gun shy about boys after Gerald... stupid asshole." frowned Helga.  
  
"But no other friends? Girl friends?" asked Lila.  
  
"*Sigh*... well, after the big break with Rhonda, Nadine hung around with us, y'know, before she hooked up with Sheena and her friends. But no, I guess not. Me and Phebes pretty much just had each other." Lila grunted an affirmation, then sat quietly looking out the window, which began to unnerve Helga.  
  
"Uh... hey red, is something eatin' you? Anything you want to talk about?"  
  
Lila turned to face her friend just as the tears began to escape,"I just realized for the first time today just how lonely I really am..." and collapsed sobbing onto Helga's shoulder. Quick as she could, Helga grabbed Lila and cradled her as she fought back the tears. "Hey, it's okay... go ahead... What brought this on anyhow?" Sniffling, Lila attempted to compose herself. "Oh god, I-I'm sorry... it's just... I've been spending all my time pretending that I'm happy with my life... but I'm NOT! I... just can't keep on acting like I'm okay with this. I can't!" Helga felt a pang of remorse. Here was exactly what she had been feeling all this time, but had been too afraid to admit, even to herself. She hugged Lila a little tighter and rested her cheek on her forehead. Nothing else was said during the long ride, even though they made two full circuits of the bus line... she just held her friend and thought about their shared situation.  
  
To Be Continued  
  
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For more teen Hey Arnold! fanfic, check out:  
  
  
  
and for Hey Arnold! fanfic that's a little on the spicy side, try:  
  
  
  
Thanks for reading!  
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	4. Chapter four

Lonely Girls by King Cheetah

These Hey Arnold! characters aren't mine, but if they were, this is the sort of stuff I'd do with them.  
Rated PG-13 cause I felt like it, and some characters might just end up nude later. We'll see...  
Enjoy.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Hesitantly, Phoebe leaned forward and gingerly pressed her lips against the underside of Helga's forearm. They were in seventh grade and Gerald had finally asked her out on a real, honest to goodness date, and Phoebe felt she needed a crash course in kissing. Helga, deliverer of several kisses on Arnold, was her proctor and becoming more and more frustrated with their slow progress.

"No no no Phebes! You don't just put your lips against his. There's a bit of movement in there... think of it as trying to grab his lips with yours... only slow and softly." intoned Helga.

"O-oh, I see... like this?" and again the arm smooch, which was a slight improvement, but only slightly.

Phoebe wanted this all to be perfect, as her first date with dreamy Gerald had to go off perfectly. A year from now, she'd use several other euphemisms for Gerald; Lying Little Bastard, Stupid Asshole, Gerald the Rapist... but for now he was Gerald the Center of Her Universe.

This just wasn't working out. While an academic titan, Phoebe was a social cripple, and was awkward in almost all social settings outside of school.

With a sigh, Helga said, "Okay, I can see the only way to do this is to just do it. Close your eyes..." Leaning forward, Helga gently placed her hands to her little friend's cheeks and placed a kiss to her lips. It was a gentle sincere kiss, full of the love she felt for the friend who'd stuck by her through thick and thin. This was important to Phoebe, so Helga would do whatever it took to make this her best date ever. She continued to kiss the little woman. One, twice, three times, then drew back and waited for Phoebe to open her eyes.

Sitting upright, Phoebe blinked twice then bent forward to return a kiss on Helga's lips, drew back slightly, then repeated the kiss.

"Well?" asked Phoebe, almost hopefully.

"PERFECT!" grinned Helga, "If you were a guy, I'd be totally digging you!"

Squealing, Phoebe hugged Helga and said,"OOOOOH, thank you Helga! I hope he likes it..."

"Helga!"

Helga Pataki, clad in her bra and jeans started from her daydream. She was sitting on the bed in Lila's room as she tried on a few of her friend's tops in preparation for this evening's outing.

Puzzling... what had made her remember that moment with Phoebe?

"Helga, which one?" asked Lila holding three blouses aloft.

"Uh, I'm sorry... for you or me?" she mumbled.

"You. I think I'm going with the black one. Are... are you alright?" Lila raised an eyebrow. Taking the blouse from her friend, Helga's brow furrowed.

"Lila... you remember... um, all that talk about... about having sex with Arnold...?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I was just teasing." smiled Lila as she returned the other two shirts to her closet.

"He... he asked me..." said Helga, almost in a whisper.

Lila's world popped right off the hinges. Arnold had... ASKED HER! She stared at Helga in stunned disbelief. Despite all of her joking, she too actually thought Arnold would never have tried such a thing.

"I... I see... so, what did you say to him?"

Helga couldn't face her, "I said I'd think it over... but I didn't say 'yes'... not yet, at least."

Lila sat down next to her, a friend of only a week or so, but they'd grown as close as lifelong companions in those six days. What their relationship lacked in longevity, it made up for in intensity. Each girl had seen a void in the other and rushed to fill it with love and secrets, feeling that she had found an emotional lost twin. But even as comfortable as they were with each other, they still moved cautiously so as not to inadvertently step on each other's toes. That could only come with time together, no shortcuts.

This was just one of those moments. Lila had a million things she WANTED to say, but was stopped short by what was the BEST thing to say. This was so TOTALLY unexpected, for both of them. Helga truly believed that Arnold would never cross this line so early in their relationship, and Lila was willing to trust her friend's instincts on this matter.

"Helga... you can't do this. It's just too early. Not now, I mean, maybe after you two had been together for a while... a long while... but... but now is just too soon." and she placed a hand softly on Helga's shoulder.

"I know... it's just... it's just I really thought I knew him. I never thought he'd do this. It... it's just not like him. Lila... I can't stand to lose him, not now... I..."

"Whoah girl! Don't GO there! If you really believe that the only way to keep him is to give in, then he's not the guy you think he is! I... I REALLY think your first impressions were right... I think he'll be okay if you say 'no'... It's for the best. Hell, it'll give him a reason to hurry back if you don't." she said with a little smile.

Returning her smile, Helga leaned over to hug Lila, "Yeah... Thanks..."

All had agreed to meet at the Sunset Arms boarding house at about 6:00 PM... Lila was on the front stoop at 5:30.

Finishing her musical little knock, she bit her lip and waited. Waited for the encounter that could turn confrontation in an instant. Waited for fears to be validated or dismissed. Waited for her greatest fear to be realized; time alone with Arnold.

Arnold's mother Stella opened the door and smiling, ushered her in and up to his room. Alone, he'd be in as soon as he finished helping his father with a bit of packing.

She paced his room nervously. It had changed a LOT in the years since her last visit here, which was about two years ago, and not pleasant. Arnold came close to actually grabbing her that day, and the moment ended with a slap to the face and his profuse apologise for letting himself get out of hand. Lila had never told Helga of that incident, nor was likely to do so... especially not now.

How could they both have been so wrong about him? Neither believed that he'd be anything other than a true gentleman towards Helga in these last few days before his journey to Texas. His desire to rush things with her was somewhat out of character for him... or was it? Neither Lila nor Helga actually hung out with Arnold for a few years and it occurred to her that maybe he'd changed a little while they weren't looking. She really hoped not...

Arnold entered the room, panting and drying his hands with some paper towels. "Oh hi! Sorry, just a bit of last minute packing to get out of the way. Where's everyone else?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh, I'm just fashionably early, I guess. Excited about the move?" she smiled.

"Yeah, I guess so. All the same, I'm glad it worked out this way; I've really wanted to talk to you in private before I left..." her back was to him, as she pretended to look over his bookshelf. "Please..." she thought, "Please don't say it..."

"O-oh really? Whatever for?" she said aloud.

"It's about me and Helga... "

"You and Helga? What would you need to say to me concerning your relationship?" She was afraid she was close to tears, but maintained her composure. He was going to do it; he was about to break Helga's heart.

"I... I think that given time, you and I would make a really good couple, y'know, after a while... " she could hear that he had moved close behind her, "don't touch me" she thought, "...but since I discovered Helga's true feelings for me, well... I'm sorry, but I think you need to find someone else. I didn't want to hurt you, Lila. But I have to follow my feelings." Arnold said with a little drama, "Lila? Are... are you okay? You're awfully quiet."

Unseen by Arnold, Lila was sporting a maniac's grin as every cell in her body exhaled at once. He was so deliciously clueless sometimes, always had been, and this moment was almost too funny for words.

Who but Arnold would think that there was even a snowball's chance in the Congo that she'd ever get serious with him? Ah, you live in your own little world, don't you?

Composing herself, she turned to face him with a warm, soft smile, "Arnold, Helga is my absolute best friend in the world, and I'd put her happiness before my own any day of the week. You can rely on that..." suddenly, she was aware that a slight opportunity had just been handed to her on a plate,"...and I think I know you well enough to know that you're the best possible choice for her happiness." Somewhat taken aback, he smiled sheepishly at the sudden praise.

"You just have to remember how shy she is about expressing her feelings to you. You need to always remember to ask her directly how she's feeling, and never take it for granted that she's comfortable with a given situation, even if she says she is..."

Arnold's brow furrowed as he mulled over the myriad of possible meanings in what she'd just said. Was Lila speaking generally or about something specific?

Before much else could happen, there was a soft knock at the door and Stella ushered Curly into the room. After a bit of pleasant small talk, Lila excused herself to the lady's room. Inside, she slipped open her purse and removed the small tape recorder and hit the STOP button, watching as the RECORD lite faded and dimmed. She sighed happily as she realized just how good it felt to be proven wrong about someone...

The evening began a little shaky as Arnold and Curly were convinced that the other had booked the cab, and a last minute scramble ensued to get transportation, just as Helga arrived.

But once on the road, the party seemed to fall into a groove and the two couples were soon relaxed and in good spirits. As they exited the cab, Lila and Helga exchanged little smiles as Curly and Arnold haggled over who would get to pay for the ride, and how generous the tip. These two...

To Be Continued

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King Cheetah Extra

Shipping and Handling ---- Phoebe Heyerdahl

Oft when putting pen to parchment in the noble endevour of fanfic, one can tire after tale upon tale of the perfect Arnold and Helga romance and be tempted to tales of a few of the lesser stars of the show, and who better that Helga's best friend and accomplice to numerous count of breaking and entering, Phoebe Heyerdahl. Only daughter to Kiyo and Rheba Heyerdahl, she is a bright, studious, but socially awkward nine year old who until the introduction of Lila Sawyer, was the smartest forth grader of PS 118. For stories set contemporainiously with the show, Phoebe will no doubt be found aiding Helga in her latest scheme or prank. But if one were to spin the clock forward and set your stories in middle or high school, how might Phoebe turn out?

1) "Wonder Bras only work SO well..."

Phoebe, meet puberty. Being a slim, petite young thing, it's easy to imagine her staying that way into her teens... or her thirties. This has lots of story potential both tragic and comic, from ugly duckling stories to Rhonda's nitwit attrempts to "fix" her. The show as is shows Phoebe as somewhat insecure and that would go along way to explain her friendship with Helga. Meek, mousey Phoebe, secure in the personal safty zone of Helga, whom no other forth grader will cross. To add insult to injury, Helga would probably be drop dead gorgeous in high school. Poor Phoebe...

2) "I was a genius... in fifth grade."

I myself was a straight "A" student until sixth grade, when I hit the wall and began my academic carreer as a straight "C" student until graduation. And I wasn't the only one. So what if brilliant Phoebe finds that sometime around sixth or seventh grade that she's no longer having such an easy time of it, and adding to her compusive need to excell, a tougher course load in high school could tip her over the edge. Goth Phoebe, anyone? Suddenly her world is SO unfair and no one understands what she's going through. Or you could have her trying to compensate through social connections (Rhonda's righthand girl) or other outlets likje sports(girljock). Lots of pathos potential.

3) "You're my best friend... just not in public."

Relationship going into high school are a tricky thing even in the best of times, but for Phoebe I can see it being especially choppy. First off, I see NO future for Phoebe and Gerald, and evidently the shows writers agree. The fifth season of Hey Arnold show few instances of Phoebe and Gerald together (in contrast to the previous seasons), and Gerald is noticably absent from a few episodes. Phoebe's Little Problem was rather startling in this regard in that not only was Gerald not making any effort to help Phoebe deal with her social stigma, Arnold WAS (Hmmmm, romance in the air?). And Helga will probably go from protecter to buddy, or maybe not even that. So then, what new friendships and/or romances might she have in her future?

Outside of introducing new characters, it's fairly easy to see her hooking up with any of the current female cast; She'd share Nadine's inquisitive, natural scientific curiosity, Sheena's social sensibilities, Rhonda's popularity, or oddly enough Lila's good natured company (who is alledgedly as good a student as Phoebe, so she might just have someone on her level). As for the guys, Park, Robert, and Joey are almost blank slates onto which you could create any sort of boyfriend for her that you like. Sid might clean up pretty good, and Phoebe might just be the thing in his life to calm him down a bit. Curly might just be less of a loon in high school, but would definately prove that opposites attract. And then there's Arnold...

So there you have it; a lot of good possibilities if you'd like to try something outside of the usual Arnold/Helga stories. Anyone have any other thoughts on this? 


	5. Chapter five

Lonely Girls by King Cheetah

These Hey Arnold! characters aren't mine, but if they were, this is the sort of stuff I'd do with them.

Rated T cause I felt like it, and some characters might just end up nude later. We'll see...  
Enjoy.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Lila Sawyer tried desperately to divide her time between watching the clock, watching Helga, and keeping a wary eye on the predatory Ms. Umberworthy in World History class.

Twenty minutes til the hour, ten minutes left in the period, two minutes left for Helga. For her part, Miss Pataki sat solemn and immobile as their teacher droned on (and that's an accurate description) about the origins of the Boxer Rebellion.

Lila took a deep breath... look at the clock, look at the teacher, look at Helga, clock, then teacher, then Helga... clock... teacher... Helga. At eight minutes til end of period, Helga became the center of her universe. She watched as Helga, all too aware of the time, seemed to deflate ever so slightly, and her eyes seemed to glaze over a bit. Clenching her jaw, she gulped and seemed to go on autopilot.

Lila sighed. He's gone... officially. If all went according to schedule, Arnold's plane just took off on it's way to Fort Worth. Gone from Hillwood. Gone from Joseph Hancock High School. Gone from Helga Geraldine Pataki.

Lila bit her lip. Hang in there Helga, just four more minutes. It's not like he wouldn't be back, but in the right circumstances, 394 days can fill in for an eternity. She turned her attention back to the wily old school marm, Ms. Umberworthy.

One of their hollow note passing pencils had gone missing, and following standard MI-6 protocol, assume the worst and count that technique compromised. While the chances of it having fallen into the withered grip of their World History teacher were slim at best, it was wiser to act as though it had and cease using that method to pass notes. Not that today was the day for such nonsense... But sinse it's disappearance, Lila had the uncomfortable feeling that Ms. Umberworthy was paying more attention to she and Helga.

Like a blasting cap, the end period bell set off an explosion of student activity, and Lila was on her feet in a second get to Helga's side. Dazed, she had to be gently guided out of class and into the maelstrom of student bodies in the hallways. Helga was just about in the shape Lila had expected and had planned accordingly. Flipping out her cell phone, she hit the speed dial, and said, "Alright, it's on."

She looked over at her friend as she tucked away the phone. Not crying, but it was and option being considered. Move, gotta stay on schedule. Heading out towards the wood shop, they hung a left down the side hall and exited the building into the teachers parking lot. Good as his word, Curly stood beside a waiting taxi cab. The teachers were aware that students might want to beat a hasty retreat from school in fifth period, and as such, tended to watch the student parking lot between periods. But no one expected a wayward student to escape from the TEACHER'S parking lot. This is why Lila felt that Thadius Gamalthorpe was SO very brilliant.

"Your sure we're covered? We won't get caught?" asked Lila as she packed Helga into the backseat of the cab. Grinning, Curly said, "These 'excuse permission slips' are the finest forgeries available, there's virtually no chance of getting caught." Lila graced her frog prince with a smile that said little, but promised much. "Thank you Taddpole, you've earned another huge favor." and she kissed his cheek. Grinning his extra teeth grin, he bowed and trotted off to deliver the faux alibis as the cab headed out towards the highway.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Their date on Friday night had started slightly off kilter but was quick to right itself. Dinner at Jarraoux's was unbelievable, and well worth the money. Good as his word, Curly was not only the very picture of good mental health, but funny and just a tiny bit charming as well. Lila delighted in his stories of ballet class and the few recitals he'd preformed in and marveled at how seriously he took this part of his life. Perhaps she'd try and tempt him into joining her community theater group... a tantalizing notion.

But the focus of the evening were the couple seated across from them, and Helga had never known a day of such unequaled joy in her entire life. Arnold's eyes never left her (much to Lila's relief), and they existed in a world all there own. The jazz quartet in the resteraunt that evening played several excellent slow dance numbers and the pair missed no chance to put this effort to it's intended use. After a bit, Lila chided Curly onto the dance floor and the two young couples spun and danced to each other's pleasure.

At some point, the happy couples came to the realization that a movie would be an unneeded speed bump to the evenings momentum, so on a whim, they took Curly's suggestion of a jaunt to the local roller rink.

And so it went. A progressive affair that just got progressively better with each new destination suggested. From skating to a carriage ride in the park, to ice cream floats on the boardwalk, and finally to the city aquarium for a languid, leisurely stroll amongst the various aqua obscura on display. At one point the couples separated on some pretext or another, and Lila scurried around to the far end of the display tanks, so as to observe Arnold and Helga unobserved.

Far out of earshot, she scrutinized their pantomime conversation, just as Curly came up behind her. "What are we looking at, exactly?" he asked in a whisper. Shushing him with a raised hand, she went back to her surveillance. Arnold and Helga face each other... he takes her hands in his and asks a question... she fidgets, but finally responds after shifting from foot to foot... he looks disappointed, but only for a second, then smiles broadly and draws Helga into a sensual embrace. Standing straight, Lila looks back at Curly and smiles, "We are watching my faith in humanity being renewed. C'mon." and she takes his hand as they head towards their friends.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Within the yellow checkered sanctuary of the cab, Helga enjoyed her much delayed but well deserved meltdown. Cradling her friend, Lila does what she can to sooth her with caresses and gentle words, "That's it... let it all out... that's okay... you've earned this... there you go..." she whispered. "Hey, it's not like it's all that long a time. And it's not even real 394 days straight... he'll be back for Christmas and Easter, so you'll only have a month or two between seeing him. That's not so bad, right?" True enough.

By the time they reached Helga's townhouse, she'd pretty much done all the crying she needed to. Smiling at her friend, Helga composed herself and thanked the cabbie and covered the ride, much to Lila's annoyance. Entering Helga's home, they gave a little giggle at the sleeping form of Miriam Pataki sprawled out on the kitchen table, blender ever ready to serve her. Ah well... love takes many forms.

Retreating to Helga's room, they shed backpacks, shoes and some clothing and plop perpendicular across the bed's length, mid day sun warming them as they rested. Lila's black t-shirt heats and soothes her, like a lover's careful attentions, and soon she finds herself just to the point of napping. Helga in green, lays hands behind her head as she is mesmerized by the soft rhythm of Lila's slow, steady breathing, her friend a living metronome and sharing a gentle syncopation.

The silence of Helga's bedroom felt good... really good. Lila hovered on the edge of sleep and Helga could feel the sun's rays melting a lot of the days stress away. She had been right though, it wasn't going to be so bad. As a matter of fact, Arnold would be back in town within three months and swore to her that she'd get a minimum of 50 of his time. It really wasn't going to be very bad at all. She made a mental note to write her first letter to him this evening.

Propping herself up on one elbow, she nudged Lila, "Hey!"

Reluctantly, the redhead pried her eyelids open and looked groggily at Helga. Leaning over, Helga placed a kiss gently to Lila's lips and smiled.

"Thanks Phoebe..." she said, giving her friend's shoulder a squeeze. Startled, Lila returned a smile as the two shared a laugh and laid back to enjoy the rest of the afternoon sun. 

In the distance the servile whine of Miriam's blender lulled them to their rest.

To Be Continued

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

King Cheetah Extra

Shipping and Handling -- Lila Sawyer

While everybody loves Raymond, evidently NOBODY loves Lila... well, Arnold maybe but I'll get to that in a bit. This has always rather baffled me because if you watch the episodes very carefully, you really don't have much reason to hate her. Introduced in the second season in "Ms Perfect" (episode #206) it wouldn't be for another year in "Arnold and Lila" (episode #314) that she'd start getting up the nose of dedicated Arnold/Helga shippers. All told she' only prominently featured in seven episodes involving Arnold:

Episode #206 - Ms. Perfect

Episode #313 - Arnold and Lila

Episode #318 - School Play

Episode #407 - Love and Cheese

Episode #411 - Weird Cousin

Episode #502 - Helga's Masquerade

Episode #503 - Big Sis

Episode #517 - Timberly Loves Arnold

Episode #517 - Eugene, Eugene!

I opted not to include "#511 - Arnold Visits Arnie" and "#514 - Married" because in both Lila is a weird dream world version of herself and not really related to the actual character in the show. Having pretty much written Ruth Mc Dougal out of the major plot threads in "Arnold's Valentine", the writers needed another foil for Helga, and therein lies a point that I think many fans and fictioneers overlook; Lila isn't a character, she's a plot device.

Her soul purpose in the show is to be a focus for Arnold's pointless obsessions (dude, no means NO!), and a focus for Helga's teeth grinding, but is this warranted? Well... After "Arnold and Lila" , our resident redhead spent the rest of her episodes asking Arnold to please keep his hand's to himself (LITERALLY in the case of "Weird Cousin"). She is also only one of two people that Helga has actually confessed her feelings for Arnold to (and yes, while Phoebe obviously knows, at no time does Helga actually come out and told her). So then, what to do with Lila in your fanfics? Hmmmm...

1) "Shut Ub... Ah'm Nawt Drunk an' You're Ever Sho Shtupid!"

Like Phoebe, puberty could be either kind or cruel to Ms. Sawyer and knowing you guys, it'll probably be the latter. She might be pretty and easy going (not little miss popular, a welcome part of the crowd) or possibly near sighted, acne scarred and with 18 lbs of braces jutting from her gums. Likewise, it's easy to imagine her peaking somewhere in the sixth or seventh grade and having a rough time of it in high school, and just like Phoebe, I see her not dealing with not being exceptional very well. From here you could split into two camps of thought; White Lila and Black Lila and the possible story hooks for both are pretty mouth watering. Either way, you could see her getting into and out of trouble just like any of the other girls in the cast.

2) "Here Helga, you and Arnold take MY concert tickets..."

White Lila, pretty, pleasant, modest and funny. Always good for a favor or to just listen to your problems... pretty much as they wrote her in the show. While I imagine her being less annoying in manner by the time her freshman year rolls around, you could still have fun playing off her naivetŽ and innocence. From Sid, Park and Stinky would be ceaselessly macking on her and might fall prey to the dishonest intentions of roguish sophomores (horrors!). You could have all manner of fun as Helga, Rhonda or Sheena work to keep her out of trouble. Alternately, she becomes Rhonda's right hand girl as she attempts to break into all the right cliques in this and the higher grades. I also REALLY like pairing up Helga and Lila as best friends, as you'll see in "Lonely Girls" and a few other upcoming stories. Whatever happens, I just hope she starts dressing better...

3) "Now Rhonda, on your knees and beg for the privilege of licking my shoes..."

Black Lila; To Mega Thereon, the dragon lady, the spider queen. Gossamer fine are her intrigues and subtle are her foul schemes. Guileful and cunning, she is the Fu Manchu of the high school and no bit of villainy that happens does not bare her mark. She would come into conflict with any of our heroes only if they got in the way of something she wanted. Rhonda could fall prey to her desire for social dominance, Phoebe becoming her indentured homework slave, and Helga the constant thorn in her side as she undoes her plots one by one. Okay, a little over the top, but what the hey, if you have your heart set on Lila as the heavy, why pussyfoot around. The real story ideas would be similar to the above, only to a lesser degree, most probably butting heads with Rhonda constantly over who'll rule as Miss Popularity.

4) "Um Helga, why must I buy your condoms?"

Okay then, let's think outside the box, shall we? In "Lonely Girls", I set up a rather plausible condition for Helga and Lila becoming best friends, caught between the Olympian conflicts of Rhonda and her social Magog, Katrinka. In "Ball and Chain" Helga the struggling writer is sharing an apartment with Lila the exotic dancer. In "P.S. 218" Lila is Helga's Jiminy Cricket, being the voice of reason in preventing our favorite blonde bombshell from getting into too much trouble. If you think about it, you can have A LOT of fun with Lila without having to build the case that now all of the sudden she needs Arnold like she needs air. I've also got a little something cooking involving goth versions of Lila and Phoebe called "A Murder Of Crows", but you'll just have to wait for that one. -

As far as romantic pairings go, I for one am really sold on Gerald/Lila as titled nobility amongst the high school's beautiful people, and their two personalities would play off each other well. Likewise, if we keep it in the deep end of the pool, pairing her with Peapodkid or Smythe-Higgens has a certain appeal, though this would probably get up Rhonda's nose more than Helga's. And speaking of La Damme Pataki, how about a little fence hopping? Amusingly, when I brought this up in a chat once, the various Helga-naughts expressed outrage! I mean, they were fine with hot two girl action, but ONLY with Phoebe. Uh... yeah. Helga and Lila could work, though I think I'd REALLY need a clever set up to pull it off. The one thing that I can't seem to wrap my head around is Arnold and Lila, and trust me I took this on as a challenge. In the episode "Timberly Loves Arnold" our football headed paramore finally accepts the fact that it's truely over between him and Lila, and in "Eugene, Eugene" he seems to finally be behaving himself around her. Hmmmm... I'm not quite ready to give up on this yet; I'll figure out something.

Anyone else have any thoughts on this? 


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